What’s love without actually experiencing it?

Since the day we are born, we’re surrounded by unconditional love. Love from our parents, our siblings, pets; but as we grow older love begins to become centered by the idea that it can only come from a spouse.

Disney films teach us that our Prince Charming can and will show us a life outside from the one we currently have. Romantic comedies reveal the possibility of the popular football player falling madly in love with us, but what happens when those ideas just become images in our minds and nothing else?

As someone who has had her fair share of boyfriends – although the relationships never lasted long – in high school and from time to time, my life is consumed by being head over heels over a specific person. I had never actually been in love, no matter how badly I wanted to be.

How can a feeling have such a tight hold on a person’s body and mind? There’s still so much time left in my life to find that one person and experience everything that comes with being in love. I become stumbled at the possibility that the man sitting across from me at Starbucks or the exchange student in class could find me attractive and eventually fall in love with me.

With friends suddenly all finding their way into relationships and siblings continuously asking if I am in a relationship, I began to wonder if it’s time to give up on the idea of ‘love’. How can a person fall in love with someone who’s infatuated with the idea of being in love but does not know how to act upon the feeling?

Most people find their ‘true love’ in college and with two years in to community college, the closest thing I have gotten to being in a relationship is by giggling at the man next to me and shamelessly flirting with him but only end up stopping myself once I begin to make myself believe that “he can never like me like that”. I make myself believe that that person could find someone a thousand times better to fall in love with.

Am I so ridiculous to be craving love yet be so afraid of being in love? Having that other person become a part of you to the point where it does become “ridiculous, in-convent, consuming” and am unable to see myself without that person? Like Carrie Bradshaw, the fairytale ending still resides within me but there are times when I begin to feel that light begin to fade. The dark shadows of ending up alone with a couple of dogs take over and it’s absolutely frightening that I welcome the shadows with open arms.

It’s frightening to realize that although I have a long way to go, it’s possible I may be walking the journey that is life alone. I won’t experience the romance that comes with love or have someone can’t bare to live without me and I them.

Love was never meant to be this difficult. It was supposed to be something that happens when the moment is right and clear yet as we grow older being in love seems to grow further out of reach.

Is love limiting us from ourselves or are we limiting ourselves because we’ve given up on finding that someone. Our standards and lists grow longer as we get older and the idea of finding that perfect someone begins to fade.

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